Inner Battle
by InLoveWithSlytherinBoys
Summary: Not a story but a slightly angst filled Narrative Poem. It's Based on how I envisioned the life of Severus from the books and movies. Please tell me what you think but please no flamers for flames will merely be sent to a place where dragons set them to flame.


**Inner Battle**

That hand, large and calloused, came down on skin despite my cries,

The screams tempted to break free are reigned back in through fears.

I will not allow the tears to escape, that much he has taught me well.

Don't cry in pain, don't scream in agony, and don't ever tell.

His very being is my personal hell, hot and barren.

No one has ever cared and so his lies are engraved into my beliefs.

I am a freak, worthless, and undeserving of the breath God has granted me.

My sorrow swallows me, drowning me in my own self pity.

Out of hell a demon approaches all in black with a gleam in his eyes.

I know him to be a demon, but my heart tells me I will find safety there.

If only for a moment of peace I sell my soul to the devil.

His offers of revenge and protection dig into my soul.

He is picking at my greatest weaknesses.

I follow him deeper into the darkness as he tells me how to end this misery.

"Kill them! Kill them!" he tells me, his breath smelling of blood and death.

In need of his approval I hang on his words, his voice demanding obedience.

Those large and calloused hands with fall no longer on to skin,

Nor will I be forced to muffle cries.

The power radiates through me as I stare at my father's lifeless body before me.

His orders carried through to action, the first murder by my doing.

No- not father, but abuser. I feel my heart blacken as I relish in the control.

Bitter night surrounds me, a constant reminder of the life I now live.

I know it is wrong and yet the need to give this up is not there.

What is beyond the darkness I have come to crave?

What is there but a love that will not return my affections?

Ah but her heart is pure and kind. The purest of all women, the sweetest of all flowers.

She may be worth it but what else is there but her?

Could she possibly pull me out of the grave I have dug myself?

Yes of all her beauty and of all her bravery she does take my outstretched hand.

I see her hair of crimson red, and eyes that remind of the sea.

I can feel the warmth of sunlight, raining down upon my flesh.

Warmth and heat pulling me to the surface,

Thanking the heavens for this chance I am being given.

Hope burns through me, melting the mask of ice I once wore.

That moment of joy, that single moment of being accepted.

Is this what I was missing, those wondrous smiles,

The laughter and happiness of those around me?

Yes, this is far more than I imagined,

And yet selling your soul to the devil comes with consequence.

Hiding is not an option for such a man as I, and at his hand my true love falls silent.

He has silenced the angel that gave me life and reason.

I want to fall back into that dark abyss and never return to this world,

This world that gave me hope. My foolishness has led to her death.

My moment of happiness ripped away.

With joy there is pain. All that remains of my sweet love is her offspring.

Yes, he is so much like her. Her eyes and her smile are now his own.

Orphaned thanks to my poor choice and judgment.

I could not save her but he will remain unharmed.

Even silenced to little more than spirit and ash, she gives me meaning.

She makes it easier to cope with the stress that weighs down upon my back.

She is still my reason to fight against the evil I once was.

My heart shall protect his heart; my words will defend his honor,

And my life I shall sacrifice for his.

I owe her that much. In return for her compassion, in return for her understanding,

And in return for belief in my true self.

I force this good to over throw the voice that shadowed my soul.

I will make my choice, for both God and Satan await my answer.

Will I fall, or will I chose to rise?

The man that gave me my revenge against such miserable beginnings,

or the one that allowed me love and freedom?

I will not be dragged down any longer.

On this day I tear the contract that once bound me to imprisonment,

And sign that of entrance to the gates of peace.

On this day I rise to the peak of every mountain and building, to prove my worth.

I fall upon my knees and for the first time since my birth

I allow tears to fall as I repent for my wrong doings.

Arms stretched wide I whisper into the empty sky,

"Forgive me for I have sinned; take me into your arms."

And he does embrace me with his forgiving arms,

So similar to that of his purest angel, that of his sweetest flower.

I smile down at the young child, with eyes of the sea.

His lips curl grinning back at me as I speak to this child of innocence,

"You will live a life of safety little one. Eighteen years and I will join our silenced angel."

My eyes close, decision made. I will no longer feed this inner battle.

This war of choice is made. Someday soon I will fly.

As slowly the eighteen years do pass his features mold into that of his-own person.

Though he is not her I know that it is only her that I can bring myself to see.

That reason to make my judgments carefully and to do the right things.

Finally, finally he is old enough to care for his being.

He is old enough to leave my side and so I am her at her grave.

On this day I will see her.

On this day she will take my outstretched hand and we shall walk through the gates of peace.

Today I take my side but the purest of all angels, and the sweetest of all flowers.

I gain my wings to fly and end this inner battle.


End file.
